Short Cuts: Pre-Valentine’s Day Edition

  • I was taught to drink tea by British people, which means I’ve developed a taste for the particular blend of Assam, African and Ceylon tea that Tetley’s manufacture as their main product. (I also tend to add milk and sugar, but will drink it black, because I’m hardcore like that.) But that’s the thing – it’s just “Tetley”. It’s not Earl Gray or English Teatime or Chai or Pekoe or any particular sort of tea, it’s just tea. Why can’t I get that in the States? The Lipton version sucks, and Tetley USA have just as many stupid, vaguely-named varieties as every other company here. Do I want Classic Blend or British Blend? What about when I want mint tea, do I want Mint Green or Peppermint, the latter of which inexplicably contains apple? And can I get it caffeinated? WHY NOT?! What about Rooibos Vanilla Pear, or Green Mango Passionfruit Acai? It would be enough to make my head spin, if I had the energy to spin it, but I don’t because I can’t get my caffeine because I can’t figure out what type of tea is going to taste like something that isn’t complete shit.  Why can’t I just have a cup of tea?
  • There is nothing “natural” about natural healing. And even if there were, there are plenty of things in nature that I don’t want any more of in my life. Vomiting, spiders, and breakups are all completely natural, but I think we could all agree that less of those things wouldn’t necessarily be bad for the world at large.

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