In a Better Mood

I’m feeling better today – thanks for all your good wishes! – even though I just read that somebody voted Yes on the amendment because he thought that if he didn’t, bestiality would be legal. Idiot.

Now! On to funny things. My name fits embarrassingly well into a variety of movie quotes. Try your own name.

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the Thor Room!” – Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb (“War”)
“Open the pod bay Thor, HAL.” – 2001: A Space Odyssey (“doors”)
“May the Thor be with you!” – Star Wars (“Force”)
“They call me Mister Thor!” – In the Heat of the Night (“Tibbs”)
“I feel the need – the need for Thor!” – Top Gun (“Speed”)
“Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ‘Thor’ at will to old ladies.” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail (“Ni!”)
“Thor, for lack of a better word, is good.” – Wall Street (“Greed”)
“That’ll do, Thor. That’ll do.” – Babe (“Pig”)
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a Thor.” – Gone With the Wind (“damn”)
“You’re gonna need a bigger Thor.” – Jaws (“boat”)
“When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my Thor. That’s the price she has to pay.” – A Night at the Opera (“face”)
“A boy’s best friend is his Thor.” – Psycho (“mother”)

UPDATE: I’m trying to write a paper, in case the time-waster there didn’t tip you off, and I found this… well, relevant. The fact that I was using StumbleUpon rather than writing should tell you something right there.

How to Write a Paper

  1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
  2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
  3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
  4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
  5. Check your email.
  6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee, just to get settled down and ready to work.
  7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
  8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
  9. Check your email.
  10. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
  11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
  12. Grab some MP3s off of Kazaa.
  13. Check your email.
  14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future (i.e., summer plans).
  15. Check your email.
  16. Listen to your new MP3s and download some more.
  17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.
  18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You’ve probably run out.
  19. While you’re getting the gum, you may as well buy a magazine. And read it.
  20. Check your email.
  21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren’t missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
  22. Play some solitaire (or Age of Legends!).
  23. Check out bored.com.
  24. Wash your hands.
  25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven’t started either.
  26. Look through your housemate’s book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
  27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
  28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
  29. Check your email and listen to your new MP3s.
  30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that Windows is crashing on schedule.
  31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
  32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
  33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
  34. Punch the wall and break something.
  35. Check your email.
  36. Mumble obscenities.
  37. 5 AM – start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6 AM – paper is finished.
  38. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
  39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
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